The buckets were filling up, the clothes and everything in them, like the odd shoe, the Egyptian belly dance belt, reflex from jackets and what not, were starting to become like stuff from a memory box that moms collect for their children to grow up and savour. I am talking about the laundry room in the house. I looked at these different storage baskets, buckets, boxes, all bought at different points of time with a purpose of organizing. In my head, I scheduled a serious meeting with the laundry room and it just never happened. Me and he had kind of given up on each other. We knew we had each other, we knew that we will settle it one day. We knew we were not leaving each other for the mess. We knew that what he ( laundry room- just to be clear, in case you starting doubting my relationship with my husband) had stored it all as I wanted him to, and he was now waiting for me to take that initiative.
So, I woke up after a strange night where my ghosts had caught up with me at oddest hours of the night. I woke up telling myself that from now on, I am not going to let people get to me. I know that if you have read my previous blogs, I might just be contradicting myself. It's easy said than done.
I had a sickly frustrating week at work. I felt lost, I had one melt down that ended up in tears and I felt that the world was against me. Then I spoke this friend- for a good hour and a half. Our gurus are around us and she told me something that I registered. This morning I processed it. I decided what is it that could and would make me sad and upset. My work is definitely not that powerful. I will apply it from now on.
So, went to my laundry room, with 2 black garbage bags. Thew a lot of shit, a lot of love, a lot of memories that I can always recreate, memories that didn't mean so much any longer. I hate to say it that I even disposed stuff I had fondly saved to pass on to friends with young children. I am an environmental criminal but I needed to take care of my relationship. I needed to take care of myself- I needed to sort it out.
I am positive, the laundry room looks clean, the scented candle has been lit, the wine box has been empties, the other boxes can now be duly shut with lids sitting tight on them. It looks organized and it makes me happy.
The mess will be created again I know. Memories will be collected, disappointments will take place. But right now- I am satisfied and I am promising myself to take care of myself, him and us.
Have a fantastic day and chose your enemies. Who has the power to be your enemy? Really.