And here I am- kind of disappointed and with heavy heart.
Let me start- my daughter's birthday party was just great! Usually when we sum up a party that we have thrown after the last guests have left and we could burp or fart out loud, we evaluate the party by saying how great the food was, how there were hardly or no left overs, how intoxicated people got or basically, how some uptight people could let go and enjoy themselves. But yesterday, after the tea party with very few, very important guests ( no VIPs, just people who meant a lot to our daughter, her strict guest list being followed) we evaluated the party on one and only criteria of how happy she was. How genuinely happy! I could not let go of the other criteria like- my first shot at cake pops was extraordinary, the cake turned out to be as expected and so on...
Before it starts sounding like a ego booster to myself, I just want to tell you all, the day after story.
I did not put up on Facebook that it was my child's birthday. I did not go out with the 'I am so proud', 'you have turned into a beautiful girl' quotes. I am so sorry if you take it personally, I have done that myself too. I have checked basically like an idiot how many likes my post got, how many of my 498 Fb friends wished her etc. And it was an ego trip of some kinds at that time. I still do it, I love Fb, don't get me wrong. I got in touch with my 32 cousins' many children, their partners, I know more about my extended family now than I ever it.
I am not a clean soul myself. The holy book about Fb ethics is quite convenient to modern life style.
( Is modern too much of an old fashioned word maybe?) You like, you have shown your appreciation in a fraction of a second. You haven't, means you are jealous. You blocked someone or 'unfollowed' someone, you go around feeling proud about your strong character, you send an emoji with kisses, you save yourself the trouble of writing and formulating a whole 5 word sentence! You tag someone who is not on a picture, you prove how much you missed him OR did you? Oh my god! No, no OMGs in my case- I like it old fashioned. This Fb love is too getting complicated and I am wondering if I need to go through some detox.
But this time, this year, I had decided not to remind anyone of my 2 big days in a year- namely the birthdays of my children. I am like a dangerous tiger mom when it comes to my kids- NO SHIT SHERLOCK!
So what happens, I get disappointed for the 2nd time in one year by quite a few. I really do not expect much from people. I actually don't. I do get disappointed though. But like I said in an earlier blog, about the black book, remember? The goal is to erase things. And I will do that, but I have all rights to be a bit sad, a bit disappointed- right!
So, here I am disappointed when I started writing, and now its over. The sadness, the feeling of being forgotten is gone past. I am not aiming for revenge, I am not making an account in the Black Book.
I am right here, right now relishing the look on Naima's face ( my daughter I mean) who is still on cloud nine about her birthday presents. Wearing the new jeans that she got from her god mother, a top by her aunt, carrying her phone everywhere given by her dad, a mobile case by her bestie and a cordless mobile charger in the shape of a poopy figure by her brother- don't even ask. She is all excited, happy and thankful for her party.
This is what I will bring with me for the rest of the day.
Why does this have something with just you to do? Yes, it has. I have been a woman who could give people silent treatment for days! I impressed my own self with how much I could sulk over things that were so petty that I felt like a little person- out got to be little to think little! I could get so deep into the bottom of things that I could forget what the actual issue was.
And now, I have decided to do it in another way. If I can, believe me, anyone can. You can! Another thing I will keep in mind of this experience, I will get better at making an extra effort, a personal eye to eye, voice to voice effort to keep my relationships personal. I will make more calls and talk to my people. I actually do that already, ask my burning hot mobile phone. I hope you will have time to respond to my call or calls from your loved ones too. and here's one, why not just call someone up right now and ask how they are?
Mood- from a heart wrenching, tear forming disappointment to 'Come on kids, lets go for a picnic' spirit.
Lesson- It's in YOUR mind- would you keep it there?