A happening day today.
A day that had its ups and down. Could be the hormones, could be that I am a sensitive person, could be that I take things personally and could be that I think way too much. But yes, a tiring and happening day that surprised me a bit actually.
I am a woman with emotions, one who feels and most of all, lets herself be vulnerable to emotions. I am available, for my feelings, for my emotions and for myself.
Like I mentioned, I started going to Yoga classes and the wise yogi told me that one must learn to love oneself to be capable enough to love someone else. I love myself and I take pride in it. I take care of myself. I take care of myself, admire my spirits, I spend money on myself, my upkeep and things and people that please me. However my husband tells me that I am bad at ( you see a teacher wouldn't use that b word, but he isn't one) being nice to myself- I let things get to me.
So, stepping out of the previous paragraph where almost every sentence started with I, me, myself, I now want to move on to how things can get to me and have an immense effect on me. Being sad over things that shouldn't bother me is a quality that I possess, a personality streak that I want to fight so bad, it consumes that last molecule of energy out of my system.
Today was one such day, I let it happen to me. Then I hit the gym after calling a friend who is my favorite sorrow pillow. I thought, reflected, got angry and even had a red nose exhibiting my emotions. I was done and was picked up my my husband (who like every single day in life stood by me in ups and down- ever since I met him). He stood there, even today, held my hand and assured me without words that his love for me was way above everything else. My daughter in the back seat of the car tried hiding the sushi and my favorite calorie bomb- Semla she bought to make it a special evening for me- she made a genuine effort.
Less words than usual through the 10 minutes drive, we reached home and I opened the door to hear a 'Hey mamma' from my son. I took my shoes off and somehow suddenly it felt like I took my sadness off. I was now in an environment with love around me- with an acceptance for who I am. The person who is true to herself, who lets herself gets sad, get frustrated, get angry. Maybe that's what allows me to get happy, content and appreciative of all the good, most important people and situations in my life.
As I am writing this, I am realizing how lucky, happy I feel in this moment. Thanks for those who love me, thanks to those who have problems with me- you make my life richer- helping me realize what to value most.
Lesson learnt- Dare to feel.
Dear family and friends... a combination often used to address to a post on social media, speeches made during special happenings and even while making a statement on a somewhat sadder note. It is kind of natural to say that. Made me wonder when I was posting a Christmas greeting with pictures of our family on Facebook- it is basically who we are surrounded with. But then I thought of all those who don't fit into these 2 categories. Hmm... which ones fit into that bracket? Let me see, neighbors who exist but don't, people who were friends once upon a time but not any longer, people I see but don't know personally, colleagues who annoy me but not just enough to be classified as enemies.
And then who are friends? Now it is starting to sund like a 'quotation book' I maintained as a pre teen, full of emotions. The book had handwritten quotable quotes with deep definitions about friendship and love, trust and betrayal...
But never mind, I will do this little mind mapping for my own sake this time. It is after all Christmas holidays and I have time on me between organizing closets, not only mine- everyones! Don't get me going on my daughter's ability to unorganized things in a matter of an hour!
So, who are friends? After have lived for 40 years and having had a large or even huge group friends who attended all parties /celebrations, to having to find that one friend who I could open up to- without having to filter my words and insecurities, I have come to realize that people who mean well are actually friends. That's all it takes. Mean well, have good intentions, don't have that sarcastic little ' I told you so' smirk when something went wrong. Staying in touch is not my criteria any longer. We all live quite a complicated life, maintain our schedules, check our calendars and do exactly the same things that we do all week long, at the same time. So finding time for pleasantries is not as easy as it sounds.
Family on the other side, we are born into families, or married into one. Not much to sort out and choose there-right? Things go wrong within families, relationships go sour, even break. We dislike some, despise the others, adore some, wish we could operate brains on some etc etc... But they are related to us- like it or not. You may make announcement that the relationship is over- but you know it's not and it never will be. So why not just embrace the fact, let time take its toll and sleep over differences, wake up one day and realize that it is OK! It is after all family.
Friends we choose, families we don't. That is the truth- at least for me.
So dear family and friends- thanks for being there, and for the times you weren't there- maybe it was for the best. I want to wish you all a good year ahead, happiness and positivities. Talk shit about me, fine, that is purely your karma. I will do my share and I will either love you, or choose to put you on hold till I am ready.
Cheers!
